Evaluation Series I: RELATIONSHIPS

Good day friends! December is here and it calls for series of evaluations, especially in our personal lives. It is not unusual that every organization rounds up their business year in this month. Stocks are taken, needs are addressed, failures are reassessed, and successes are celebrated.

John Wooden is the man whose quote would serve as underlying thought all through this series. I am pretty sure that when he made his quote:  

“Without self-evaluation, failure is inevitable”, 

he never envisioned that there’ll be a TheAsegunProject blog that will drive themselves on the wheels of his thought. Beyond his inspirational life and leadership, John Wooden penned down these golden words that can never go down the drain.

On this note, friends, we shall evaluate five different areas of our lives in these series. I agree that few of these areas may appear trivial, but I strongly believe that they’re becoming very important areas of our lives in this generation.

In this article, we shall evaluate our RELATIONSHIPS!

When the famous Jim Rohn quoted the Law of Relational Average, he must have been inspired directly/indirectly by a good celestial force. Jim quoted: “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with”. This is a pointer that we must not joke with the quality of relationships.

You may have heard the saying: “People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Relationships are largely about needs. There’s a give and take where each person has their own set of needs and those needs are either met or not. No matter the nature of the relationship, you’re in it because you’re getting something out of it whether that’s love, friendship, companionship, support, etc. Unfortunately, that holds true for both healthy and toxic relationships.

Now let’s face it: relationships are fluid and there’s a give and take. A toxic relationship is not necessarily one where you might be doing more of the giving or taking at a particular moment. You may be getting tremendous joy and fulfillment in the giving, or you may be the one in great need during a certain time in your life. However, if the exchange continually leaves you feeling empty, unsatisfied, hurt, upset, or angry, it may be time to reevaluate that relationship, or at least change the rules and boundaries.

You need to ask these SEVEN QUESTIONS as you evaluate all your kinds of relationships:

1. Do we make each other happy?

2. Do we share the same values?

3. To what extent can we trust each other?

4. Am I being real with in this relationship?

5. Do I get motivated or demotivated?

6. What is our communication pattern like?

7. Are they interested in mu personal growth?

These seven questions are basic, and they’ll help you find the appropriate placements for the people in your life as you look forward to 2020.

Taking time to evaluate, or re-evaluate, your relationships is a healthy thing to do. Maybe you need something more or different from the person or perhaps they do from you? Another great way to identify a toxic relationship is to examine your feelings when you’re around the other person; is it constantly painful? Do you leave them feeling unloved, unappreciated, disrespected and disregarded?

There’s nothing wrong with realizing that the rules of a relationship need to be changed if you’ve done all you can and that relationship is no longer working for you. It’s possible that if it’s not working for you, it’s probably not working for the other person either. From here you have some choices. You can work on improving the relationship based on where you both are and where you want to go; renegotiating the rules based on each other’s growth, new direction, and personal paths. Negotiation takes cooperation, willingness and energy so both of you need to be on the same page.

Walking away from a toxic relationship is sometimes a healthy option too, especially if the effects of the negative relationship are impacting your health, self-esteem, wellbeing and happiness. Detaching from an unhealthy relationship with honour and respect could be a loving act for both you and the other person. If so, setting boundaries which create distance that gradually grows is just one way of gently letting go.

Indeed, people come into our lives for reason, season, or a lifetime. It is very okay to change the rules of an existing relationship that is ready to grow or release a relationship that no longer serves you. If parting of ways is your option, honour what you were able to receive from your time together, send blessings and best wishes, and make room for the opportunities that will send your way to make new, rewarding and fulfilling relationships. If the relationship simply needs to grow, rewrite the rules and watch the upgraded version of your relationship begin to blossom.

With this, we have set the tone for our series on EVALUATIONS. Read the next part as we evaluate another sphere of our lives.

Thanks for reading.


Victor Fawole is the Director and Thought Leader at TheAsegunProject. You can reach him via theasegunproject@gmail.com or +2348131048604